Stress

Yup, it's that time of the year...only that it's a whole month earlier than usual (ref to prev post)

and now i'm full on freaking out.

That's what you get when you leave things to the last minute -_-"
...when you have a test tomorrow and you choose to fill your tummy and play with lanterns instead of study.
...when you choose to go on facebook and write to your friend after all that instead of study.
...and now you're forced to deal with the fact that "unprepared" is an utter and complete understatement to the way you feel about the test tomorrow.
That's what you get.

Add on the fact that you're in emotional turmoil from the insane piano hours, stress etc.,

you're pretty much screwed.

I feel drained and I'm not even a quarter of the way there yet.

Let's hope there's enough to keep me driven till then.

For now, I will take a deeeeeeeeep breath, switch off the lights, and sleep my worries away.



Daily dose of cliche: You see right through me.

Inadequacies

Knowing my inadequacies,

inadequate being a total understatement....

is making me feel so sick with worry.

To deal with it I will do what I do best.

Sleep it off and never think about it again.

Until I really, REALLY have to.

Oh me oh my.

Asian Ointment

"X-oil", hong yiu, tiger balm. 

the likes.

are the asian solution to EVERY single pathology it's insane.

and the excuse to putting off seeing the doctor.

GO SEE A DOCTOR PLEASE.

why am i freaking out on your behalf -_-"

Every night she cries herself to sleep

Thinking why does this happen to me?

Why does every moment have to be so hard.

It's Gonna Be a Craaaazy Month!

Seems like there's a tons of things to do in preparation for the month of October.

Gotta...
Start printing those lecture notes I was just too lazy to print throughout the semester,
Start listening to all of the lectures I'd missed out on,
Re-listen to the ones I found myself dozing off/actually slack-mouthed-semi-drooling in, which is basically everything,
Properly researching for diploma program notes,
Actually writing the damned thing,
Find the discipline to play all of my pieces in one sitting,
Progressively learn to squeeze it all into 30 minutes,
But before that actually knowing how to play them perfectly,
Study for piano,
Wonder why I was ever so ambitious with the piano,
And accepting the fact that there IS NO TURNING BACK :O,
Start on physio assignment which is due in October but sadly I'd be so swamped it's better to start now,
Actually pondering/praying over the 40-day fast commencing 24th September, learning its purpose, what I'd do etc.,
GET EXCITED
because mother's coming October as well!!

Let's see how much of it I really do in Sept,
fully aware of what needs to be done.

But, looking at it, thinking about it,
just makes me want to escape by drowning myself in tv shows.

Now THAT'S what I need to fast on.
Escapism.
Sigh.

Underground

Just feel like sticking my head in a pit of sand.
Drown out the noise.
Drown out the sights.

The thing is, all the sights and sounds are in my head.

What to do, oh what to do.

Maybe I should just lie here for a while.

Trip Down Memory Lane

Whilst looking for a picture of the (omigosh) most embarrassing "cake" I've ever made in my life,
I read some of my really really old posts from way back when.
Coupled with the world's best emo piano song, "Craig Armstrong - Glasgow Love Theme" it kinda shifted something in me.
Not too sure what it is yet, at the moment.
But it's sort of a feeling...that time flies. It really does.

Anyways, to add to this somber, somber note,
I chanced upon this:

I miss this little champ.

Still do and always will.

Sigh.

I want a perfect body,

I want a perfect soul.

I want you to notice when I'm not around.

So very special;

I wish I was special.

All the sentimental bull

Some days i am fine, i get by comfortably, i do not stop and think.

Some minutes i am in a whirlwind of emotions, of confusion, of questioning, of doubt, of certainty.

Some days i ache.

Some days i choose to ignore.

Some days i choose to dwell.

Today i sit and dwell.

We'll see how it goes, won't we?

Daily dose of cliche: I will wear my heart upon my sleeve. At least, i will try.

Quiet

Sometimes, a little alone time is nice.

Like it is now.

Sometimes, it is just.....

Unbearable.

Like it was, till 5 minutes ago.

It just takes some getting used to :)

Daily dose of cliche: Love me, for me.

Confidence

Nothing is impossible for those that believe.

Nothing is impossible for our god.

I believe in you.

Open hearts, open minds.

That's all it takes.

Open hearts, open minds.

Let the barriers break.

Slice through the walls of unbelief.

Of instant doubt.

Of instant suspicion.

Wouldn't hurt to believe.

Who knows what you could be missing out on.

In Awe

It never ceases to amaze me.

On the road to happy.

Hang in there.

Should probably stop being so cryptic.

I know what I'm talking about.

I hope that one day, you do too. :)

Vulnerability is an issue.

Daily dose of cliche: Smile, and the whole world smiles with you.

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Ever seen me frustrated?

This is it.

Seems like i'm fucking bipolar right now.