An Ode to Sigmund Freud

this, people, is mr. sigmund freud.
...whom i had to read countless chapters on back in my Trinity year for some HOI essay thingamajig.
and frankly i think he's just some crazy bugger.
he's a looney one, really. hahaha.
but he's suggested that dreams are repressed memories that the brain brings into consciousness - without us being fully conscious. basically this is the gist of it. and he says that it reflects personality.
what if he's right??
then what would that say about me??

i've always had freaky dreams. the freakiest would be the ones which involve me killing people.
..especially people i know.
like, murdering people in the most vivid and gruesome way imaginable.
there are 3 that i can really remember. and they disturb me to the core.
i not only see myself murdering innocent people, i see the splattering blood and the disfigurement it ensues.
and in these 3 cases, they are extreeeeemely vivid.
just last night i dreamt of shooting a girl ( i think i knew her ) in the face multiple times with a hand gun. i remember feeling really relieved upon finding the gun so i could shoot her. she'd have holes in her face and it'd be streaming with blood but she just.wouldn't.die. so i kept shooting her. LOL. and STILL she would still be coming towards me!!!
i don't know at what point i woke up, but i sure felt glad to wake. somehow this time i didn't feel guilty, like i did for the last 2 "murders".
somehow they all involve using some weapon...in one, the grass cutter blade which i'd used to dismember many many people in trinity's bull paddock (hahaha). another one, using a blunt pole to stab this girl in the face  till she had no face. and i'd be overcome with guilt. then extremely relieved to wake up.

SO WHAT DOES THIS SAY?!?!?!?
am i evil????
will i become evil????
did someone try to kill me way back when so now my unconscious is warning me when i can finally defend myself?

or is this all just due to insignificantly random brain activity?
hhhrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

owells. -_-"
just don't get on my nerves and maybe i wouldn't dream of killing u
:p

I've just been shown something...about a person's past.
and now i can't stop thinking.
about how i've been living with this person for SO LONG.
walking past her, talking to her, yet never really building a really significant relationship with her.
despite and apart from the god-given relationship we have.

Now i'm wondering how i could have been so oblivious to the things going on around me.
Oblivious to her troubles.
Oblivious to her pent up emotions.
for many many many years now.

It's one thing to learn to let your guard down,
and another to not try by saying that it's just not in our nature.
maybe we all should've been more supportive. closer.
i know i could have.

So it all comes down to building relationships.
ours just wasn't really there.
that, i know.
because that, i feel.

Now, i know. and shit, it's only now that i sorta get why you do the things you do. did the things u did.
and why u are the way u are.
i hope it's just not too late to change the way things are.
but somehow i do see a difference between now and then.

The point is i'm sorry.
that i've always been impatient with u.
that we've never had what u needed.
but it's good we have what we have. it counts for something, at least.
and most of all i'm sorry you had to lug all this shit around for so long.

but i know things would be for the better :)

Let me present...

THE WAR ZONE

this is as organized as it gets.

LOL.

Source of my Stresssss Part II

So, the thing about exams that i'm MOST afraid of (at the moment) is......

PRAC EXAM

like, seriously.

:S :S :S
loom loom loooom.

how, under pressure, am i able to distinguish the friggin muscles and rmb off the top of my head what they do and where they attach?!?!

i'm sorry but people who know me would know I DO NOT DO WELL UNDER PRESSURE.

haihhhhhh.

an chua hoooo, u tell meeeeeeeeee. cry.

k i'm going to hole up in my room and never come out. LOL. till after. or something.

oh wait. i WILL come out. to get some poor soul to be patient muahahahahaaaaaaa. maybe i'll practise on the rabbit's nonexistant muscles. :S

Source of My Stressssss

Just ONE look at this:

and this:

and this:

and this:

is enough to make me suffer on the toilet bowl.

HAHAHAHAHAHA sorry i damn gross.



note to self: absolutely HAVE to stop posting up super unglam photos of myself NYAAABBBB

Love-Hate Relationship

Dude.

I love you, yet i HATE you. sometimes.

I mean, u're not so special but you ARE my first.

Should i chuck you and replace you NOW, or should i wait till you break down again?

Sigh.

Some days, you just disappoint meeeeeeee.

Note: For anyone who bothers reading fine prints, i am talking about an inanimate object okay. Just in case some of you ppl decide that i am hiding a BOYFRIEND up my sleeve. NOSIREEEEEEE.

The Best of My ITUNES :)

Erm. So...The side of me that is insanely passionate about music has been, i dno, AWAKENED(momentarily) by some of the songs I've been listening to lately on my iPod...as usual. I get phases, 'kay??? Yeah so I'm here to share some with ya'll :)

And I shall sidetrack before I even begin. LOL!

I've been suuuuper duper hooked on the song "Nature Boy" and i thought I'd do a little comparison between the two versions that I'd downloaded.

So it's NAT KING COLE's version of Nature Boy VS. DAVID BOWIE's version (as heard in Moulin Rouge).

I'll start with the one i favour, personally lah. haha. which is david bowie's. His version is slower to that of Cole's, and he did it in a totally different key as well.

But what makes it SO SUPERB is the musicality. He sets this...slightly eery and melancholic feel which is so awesome. Uses mostly violins which come in two different parts but which blend perfectly well together, accompanying the melody so, so, so, so well. When i listen to this song, i tend to close my eyes and listen closely in to the orchestral parts...just to listen to how greatly the instruments and the voice infuse together. The best part is how the song pans out. Very very clever how the song builds up to this amazing climax with just the use of orchestra instruments. And the climax is not the ending part la, it's somewhere in the middle (for me) and...do i hear a GONG? hahaha.

I LOVE THIS SONG. must go listen okay.

Anyhoos. So, Nat King Cole's one probably sticks to the lyrics of the song a little bit more. His also incorporates a lot of orchestral instruments...not only using string instruments, but woodwind as well (think i heard the flute? clarinet?...not so sure but yeah i think so la) and ZOMG, the HARP. like, i've nv heard anyone use the harp before in their songs :S
But it was kinda cool :) Its mood is more...i dno. storybook-like i guess. Focuses more on the adventure part of things and it's cool cause u can just easily gather that from listening to it. It's definitely more mellow and takes a little bit of patience to appreciate it LOL. Howeverrrr, it's really nice after a while and i especially looove the very short violin & piano solo in the middle.

Oookay. So...there's no point to saying this la. HAHAHA. zomg. i'm such an NPG :( :( lol just in case if people were interested in this song la but dno which one to listen to or smt. altho there are a gazillion other versions i think but which i didn't bother to dwnld.

Yap, SO. getting a little lazy here, so i'd just skip the whole itunes thing la -_-" HAHAHAHAHAHA. i'd just recommend something for if y'all wna listen to smt MELLOW for you chillax-ed mood.
kla so this is not purely from me la. a lot of ppl have recommended me PRISCILLA AHN. she is SERIOUSLY awesome. just (Finally) listened to her album "A Good Day" but you really need to listen to it on a good day la. haha. need loads of patience and mood to listen one loh. but that's just me, maybe. the ultimate best song is "Dream". might've heard it on grey's anatomy n wondered hrrmmm wht's that song??? cos i know i did!! this song is mostly guitar & cello (my fav!) based. n the part where her awesome possum voice was just accompanied so simply by 3 piano notes and a few pulls of the cello is SUPER AWESOME TO THE MAX it makes me swoon. on the bus. in the morning.
...but then i will soon get sick of it...the song, i mean. :S


Okay. these people, i nv knew existed. hahaha. stole them off my sister's itunes! they're called AZURE RAY btw. didn't really listen to their whole album, but kinda screened them to find which i should add. i know i used to love "we are mice" SOOO much but i'm kinda over it hehe. "Sleep", "Don't Make a Sound", "Displaced", "Rise" and "For No One" are the ones i'd chosen out of the screen lol. very nice la all.

Yeap so that's about it....im su're another one of these types of post will be coming soon...when i start having my bouts of insanity again. or, as many people call it, "passion". i just think i damn weird la.

OH, P.S. we just had dissection prac this morning...and our ms.cadaver who we've named betty was (sorry, betty) super duper extreeeeemely fat and it was so hard to cut thru her!!! was just reaaaallyyyy gross la to see that amount of fat on a person :( just makes me wna remind myself every frikkin day not to get fat before i die :S
oh, better not to get fat at all la -_-"