Post of Many Words

I realize I can be the most sociable person of the night or the most socially awkward. I can be the liveliest in the day or the deadest of zombies. I can be projecting my voice over all corners of a room or I can be mumbling to supersonic ears. I can be the most confident or the most self-conscious. How one goes about merging two completely inconsistent personalities is beyond me. I fear there really might be some psychological waywardness going on somewhere in the deep crevasse of my soul. Or  mind, I should say.

I see I am in one of those phases again, where I retain the images, the emotions, the thoughts of all things gone wrong, and all of the things that highlight my fears and imperfections - blemishes that I myself put under scrutiny.
I am in one of these phases where I feel endlessly lousy, incompetent at the most trivial of things, unconfident in my speech and outward appearance. It's one of those phases that come accompanied by the surge of hormones us females come to know too well, and them boys learn to anticipate and dread. Maybe it comes as a result of it instead. Either way I am not a fan of going through it. I feel I am just shy of being low, and always, always pensive. I'm too young to feel pensive, thank you very much. I think I lack the life experience (and age) to be pensive, anyway -__- Cue Dumbledore gazing into his thought-retaining thingo. Oh, how apt. It's called a Pensieve...

I guess I feel less chippy than usual because during this time my mind is a war zone. Gone are my blind optimism and boundless positivity. Gone is the simplicity I live by. I become too complicated a person to comprehend. I become a complicated person who hates complications, who has the simplest of thought processes, who ponders upon complicated things. But at least one thing is constant...regardless when or where or what phase of life I'm in, I always and never fail to complicate every seemingly simple thing. Which kinda sucks, come to think of it.

I hope from this I gain some peace.