For Far Too Long

It seems there is a large discrepancy between this year and the last.
And it seems the root of it is my apparent godlessness.

Godlessness.

What does that even mean?

Apart from the fact that I'd stopped interacting with people from community altogether, and the fact that I'd unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally albeit subconsciously) avoiding the venue like the plague, I'd spent the last few months not even reflecting and contemplating like I used to.

So what is that, then?

Is God just a term to define personal space?
Just a personification of our internal reflections?
A marker for how our being screams out for perfection?

How could "he" create such a difference in my well-being?

I honestly think it's just because we humans are weak.
So weak to the point where we so long to depend on trust; on a trust we can't ever find between ourselves.

Yet therein lies its beauty.

That all these thoughts and reasons point us to stand up against our creator, yet we choose to depend on him and choose to trust
That god is not just a definition or a term or a standard.

I know that I still do believe in his realness; that he is living.
Despite the niggling bits of rationality in my humanness trying to make sense of it all.

So, yes, there really has been a difference.
I feel a gap.
I feel a sense of loss.
A shift.
A burden.
I lack peace of mind.
I miss the ache.

I miss you.
And you are as real to me as the next person.

It's time to get back on the bandwagon, peeps.
I've been straying for far too long.