It's been a really, really long time since I've recorded anything at all in the story of my life. Please excuse the poor writing; it's been a while since I've immersed myself in any reading literarily worthwhile.
Things have changed since I'd last written - well, to summarize where I'd left off, I was experiencing massive changes in my life: Completed my Physio degree, got a full time job in a public hospital, started a relationship, started serving in church and took up a leadership role there - things that really stretched and stressed me.
I can't really say that things have stagnated, even remotely. It's been huge change after huge change over the past couple of years! Basically, everything is different save for the "started a relationship" part - it's more "maintaining a relationship" now, thank goodness.
Well, what's new, you ask?
We, and I mean, the one and only, and I, have moved in together, twice! Not without repercussions, though. Surprisingly, our parents have been the emotional support through this process - amazing how their backing really made such a big difference in how this all turned out. All the bad stuff, unfortunately, came from a religious standpoint - and by religious, I mean religious. I had to make a choice back then - live with the boyfriend, or forsake leadership. Well, it's clear the choice I'd made. With no regrets. None whatsoever. However, I think the ripple effect of having to make that choice, not even the choice itself, really created this chasm within our spiritual life. Even now, after moving to another (grace-centred, loving, encouraging) church, we both still feel pieces of the guilt, the condemnation and the blame for having made that decision together. So much so, that when we have been approached by our current leaders to (I know, history does repeat itself) one day take their place, we are bogged down by the fear of all that guilt, condemnation and blame resurfacing. Perhaps it's a redemptive move God has up his sleeve - to cover the horrible past experience with one that was how it should have been.
What else is new?
Physio no longer became my passion. I know, fickle being that I am. One thing I'd realized only through working full time in public health, was that I did not remotely fit in to the culture of being a Physio. If I was being honest with myself, I'd given myself a fantasy with rehab and all these Physio-related dreams and goals only to, really, give myself dreams and goals. Physio has now simmered down to a less-than-part-time, part-time job and I have started teaching piano all the other hours instead! I will try to capture in words how liberated I'd felt since pursuing this career - it has been such a passion-driven, motivating and fulfilling journey. I cannot believe the bondage I'd put myself under, forced to fit in a spirit, an atmosphere that just did not agree with my soul.
I am now learning to learn without goals, without the pressure of exams, without an endpoint in sight. I am learning to be a better partner, a better person, a better member of the family.
It's really been such a crazy ride, but not for a minute would I trade my life for anyone else's.
How's life?
Life has been great.
xx
J
