This year is nearing its end, and it really has been peppered with events that demand strength, patience and faith. And sacrifices.
In my bout of self-pity and of feeling sorry for the situation that is the dear mother's diagnosis, I think about how unfair it is that the sister and I have had to give up things that we care about. Sure, my "sacrifice" looks pale in comparison and most definitely the more trivial of the two, but the fact is that I had been dreaming of this day since its announcement (at which I had promptly marked it down in my calender in complete capitals and not just a few exclamation marks!) and had been fantasizing about how great a day it would be. Then I think of the sister and I feel so bad for her that her year probably did not turn out as she'd envisioned either, though she is the tougher and the braver of us two and she wouldn't spin this into a greater tragedy than it already is.
Then I carry on to think about how my transition years have been marked with things both unexpected and disappointing. The mother's great loss, which spiralled into a few months of miscommunication (if there was any at all) and frustration, became the hallmark of 2007 i.e. my final year in school, and the transition period between living at home and coming to Melbourne. And now, in my final year in uni, there's this.
This year I'd dealt with loss(es), disappointment, and bitterness. But the year has not been without gains, lessons and uplifting traits. I then realize that everything has been placed, perfectly timed, to help me deal with things as they come thrown at me from left and right. People have been placed in my life strategically to become my support. Through experience I have gained insight on how best to give the support that mum so clearly needs, and how to deal with her reactions when it comes to news like this (I was emotionally retarded 5 years ago [no, seriously], and I regret not having the maturity to have dealt with the situation better than it turned out then).
I think that what's happened now would determine the course of my life and become a year I look back and think to myself, this is why I'm doing what I'm doing. Just like it was 5 years ago. What had happened then had become a precursor to my choice and motivation in the following year to pursue this career and what I intend to do with my future. What has happened, and is continuing to happen now, would probably affect my decisions on who how when why in the years to come. Every eventful event motivates a cascade of reactions, and despite the negative thoughts and feelings that surface from time to time, it's been a journey that shows me I am capable of being strong, patient, and faithful. And making sacrifices. It tests the strength of our family unit, which, I am proud to say, is passing with flying colours (I hope I'm not being delusional).
Well, I'm pretty sure everything would turn out alright. Eventually.
