Monday, July 23, 2012

Mountainous Retreat

Last weekend the family (in-laws included) spent some much-needed quality time on the snow-capped mountain for some much-needed stress relief and exercise (I call it my exercise for the month year, and I stand by this claim).

Goodness me, who could EVER feel encumbered by the crushing weight of obligation, stress or work when you wake up to such a view in the morning? (ref picture below) As I finally managed to pick up the bare basics of manoeuvring on the blasted snowboard after my first attempt which included falling (not boarding) all the way from the top to the bottom, I just felt so...free. Part of learning how to board was just to let.it.be, and to trust that my body has got this covered. Pretty amazing stuff there!

Doubtless the weekend away from home did me good. I think the same can be said for the others. Unfortunately, Sunday rolled around pretty quickly. We came and we went...Back to home it was, said time :(   

The only things remaining from our then-anticipated trip are our lovely, lovely pictures, and the crazy aching of my muscles protesting over the strenuous act of picking my bottom off the snow time and time (and time) again.




Sigh, I miss it already.

DEFINITELY a trip worth repeating! I'm already anticipating our next weekend getaway...


p.s. thanks for the cool driving, Cwee!
p.p.s. I am sooo addicted to this collage-making app thingy I'd just downloaded yest (if you haven't yet noticed :p)


Thursday, July 5, 2012

Ohm

So, here's what went down last night. I came home from clinics,  dead tired from running on 2 hours'sleep the night before, washed my feet, pinned up my hair, got changed, studied the map of my newest fantasy fixation that is the Seven Kingdoms in the Game of Thrones, and drove off to the city for my 1 and a half hour long Yoga session.

Boy, oh boy, was it worth it.

I went in with all of my sulkiness and just full on sleepiness, and came out refreshed, energized, rosy-cheeked...happy. During the session there were times when the instructor's zen-like and patient voice infuriated me cause all I wanted to do was go home and lie in bed, not do the downward facing dog a million other ways, but looking back I probably felt better than I ever would lying in bed.

The theme of last night's class was being in the moment and enjoying progress. We spend too much plotting our goals, she says. Too much of looking at where we want to be and leaving ourselves in a position of lack. Our lives are always progressing; we are never static. It is too precious not to enjoy our constant progress. And that's why we did the downward facing dog a million other ways - they were progressions to an otherwise static pose. But then again when we ever tried to hold a pose, we never really were still. The wobbles and the shakes were, as she said, exactly where we needed to be to have progress. Wobbles and shakes are sort of equated to anger, frustration, despair. Sounds very cliched, but definitely not something emphasized enough it seems.
So she went on to say, while I was on my back doing the ultimate failure of a Hamstring stretch (I can't get my leg past 100 degrees), that in order to always feel fulfilled and to take yourself away from feeling lacking, why not make smaller goals for yourself so you'd always feel satisfied? It's true, isn't it? We reach for the sky and beyond, we want the moon and everything in between. It's an endless chase. So. Say...you're a lazy bum and your goal is to be the picture of health and have glowing embers for cheeks. Well. Stepping out the front door could be a very nice, achievable goal. Pat yourself on the back. Walk to the neighbour's house and back. Another pat on the back. Don't sit down immediately. Amazing. There you go, impossible to feel like a failure now, huh? Okay, I'm kinda mocking her now, but you know what I mean.

Yoga aside, I'd just passed my musc placement! :) 3 blocks down, 3 to go. Whew, it's gonna be a loooong 6 months. I will be trying, other than pass my placements, to enjoy them as I go. Enjoy the progress, right? I guess academically I'm actually doing as she says. I aim for 50 in all of my subjects. Well, that's the bare minimum. Maybe that's why I'm always happy with my shit marks. Making me a happier person who is not living in lack! That's my silver lining. And my excuse.

So, my status right now? ...I am happy. And I am grateful.




Sunday, June 17, 2012

June Barcarole

She stumbled, footstep by footstep, toward the door. Weakened by her desire to have a glance, just one glance, of her oh so proclaimed beauty, she scuffled across the cold cement floor.

This is the story of a girl bound by vanity, a slave to jealousy, embalmed by dreams of being sought after; of being an object of envy and of desire; of being an instigator of insecurity.

This is the story of a girl who was born into this world with a face so maimed and so utterly distasteful the midwives who delivered her from her mother's womb crossed themselves before they dared lay a hand upon her for washing. This is the story of a girl who also had been, very ironically so, favoured by the hands of fate, so that she might come across a modern-day alchemist so skilful he was able to create a modern-day panacea, the perfect solution in her quest for beauty.

What was brought to life by the hands of this modern-day alchemist was by no means a quick and easy feat. It took the girl days, months, years of patience and keeping the faith in his promises; it took him days, months, years of fixing his gaze upon the prize of his labour. It was a curious thing, but for the discretion of the girl in question, and the dignity of this modern-day alchemist, the terms of their agreement shall not be disclosed.

The solution that came from the modern-day alchemist was a substance so pure it perfected her flawed features, but most of all, it encased her face in a thin crust of porcelain, so that she might have skin that could make her an object of envy and of desire, and she could be an instigator of insecurity in the women around her. The only catch, oh, and there was a catch, was that she could never ever catch a reflection of herself, inadvertent or purposeful, lest she face its most dire consequence, which she herself was not fully aware of.

The first few weeks came and went easily: she had her maids remove all mirrors, draw all curtains so that she appeared to be a modern-day vampire (if they ever existed at all), but she did not mind that at the very least. Better to be named a Dracula than a Quasimodo, she thought. Those first few weeks she had felt so on top of the world. Everywhere she went she had followers, admirers, wishing to take her hand for a one-night-stand. Everywhere she went, heads turned, and whispers and envious eyes tracked her every move. She felt, for once in her life, pretty.

Thence came that one fateful day, as the girl was busying herself in a windowless flower shop, searching for the most beautiful, perfect flowers to match her most beautiful, perfect face, when the dark clouds drew in and the sky started rumbling and the pitter-patter of raindrops became a downpour so heavy the unsuspecting pedestrians thought they were having a shower under the Niagara Falls. It was on this one fateful day when the girl slipped and fell as she exited the windowless flower shop and found herself face first in a puddle of rainwater. No, her face did not crack or break from the fall. Her face did crack, though, from her instinctive gathering herself up, causing her to catch an inadvertent glance of her reflection in the water. The consequence of that was not dire, however. That little gash was out of pure luck situated beneath her chin, and measured just a centimetre long,  no less, but trust the girl to exaggerate in her mind the size of it. She ran home, crying, feeling with her fingers the crack in her no-longer-perfect porcelain skin, refusing to let anyone see her with what she thought was a big gash across her face.

And so it began that the girl barricaded herself in a cell of her own device, afraid even to step out the front door lest she saw herself without warning again. With the growing onset of agoraphobia, the girl spent more and more time within the confinement of her mind, often times staring into space, recalling by force that flicker of an image of her face in the rainwater. She grew evermore obsessed - much, much more than before. She had to see herself, even for another flicker of a second. She just had to.

And so, here she was, stumbling footstep by footstep toward the door, weakened by her desire to have a glance, just one glance, of her oh so proclaimed beauty as she scuffled across the cold cement floor. She was a crazed woman, a mad woman, eyes dancing wild, puffy and red, as she mustered her last remaining morsel of courage. She flung the door open and was greeted by a large, gilded free-standing mirror hiding intentionally in her closet. She stood there, staring at the reflection of herself, unable even to admire her perfection as the little gash beneath her chin became not so little any more, growing and growing in length across her face as if it had a life of its own. Soon enough, the gashes turned to chunks of flesh falling off the bones, but still she could not peel her eyes away as if possessed, and not long after, they did.

This is the story of a girl who was bound by vanity, enslaved by jealousy, and, at the end of it all, embalmed without a head.

To Strangers


And yet, freely you gave it all for us.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

In the End

You just can't miss what you'd never had.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Wavering Resolve

"Bob the builder, CAN. YOU. FIX. IT?"

"No, I can't"

Sorry to disappoint, kids, but unfortunately I am merely an imposter.

But I sure as hell can't help myself from trying.

Thanks for the perfect analogy, you.

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Big 'D'

Perhaps I've put too much faith in the human race. Or, more specifically, in the alphabetically varied gene pool.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Depleted Tears

Sometimes it really seems like I don't realize how precious someone is to me until I start bawling my eyes out for him or her.

Well, it's hard not to when you are given report after report, all pointing to the fact that this person is facing imminent death. There's been some good news today. Let's hope it stays that way.

I've never really thought about how I have grown to love this amazing woman so, so, so much. I have all the respect in the world for her, she who's lived through everything unimaginable at this day and age.

So...pull through, my favouritest old lady in the world! The whole Law-Che brood will be there with you shortly :).

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Roller coaster


Right now the feeling is as if you've chosen to get on the scariest ride - you're in one of those hard, plastic seats, you're securely (or not quite; that's how you feel) locked in, the staff are checking the seats of all the other thrill-seekers ahead of you.

It's that awareness that there is absolutely no turning back. You're left with this heavy bolus in the pit of your stomach made up of fear, apprehension, anticipation and dread. Yet somewhere at the back of your mind you know it's not the end of the world. You're not gonna die (hopefully) and the ride is gonna last 60 seconds, after which you would be overtaken by a bout of wild laughter at the sheer exhilaration of it and impressed that you'd worked up the courage to take up on your personal dare.

The battle is now between what you feel at that present moment and what you know you would feel at the end of it all.

But on a (more) personal note, this morning, on top of all that I'm feeling tired. I'm tired of being pegged 'the strong one'. It's not a matter of keeping up appearances; more the fact that sometimes I wish I could crumble in the folds of someone's arms and weep. But I do know for a fact that at the end of it I would not have liked it one bit. So for now it's preferable to brave it through like never before. Never quite expected this to bring on such a massive impact. But it has. Huh. Surprise, surprise.

For now I shall be awaiting what I know is ahead. I know my strength is not my own, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Post-apocalyptic revelation


And so, the question remains...

Was it bravery or stupidity?

It really is too close to call

Sunday, April 29, 2012

A Little Birdie Told Me..


And I couldn't have anticipated how disappointed I feel.

So. Amazed.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Silence


You're likened to a thoughtless mule
A field of wheat 
A speck of dust

So indignant
So insignificant
No convictions

You follow the wind of the unknown

You go nowhere

Nothing's changed
despite the change:

The silence is deafening;

It is now broken.

You think that would be a milestone

It isn't, really.

You still exist in a pool of stagnancy.

You go nowhere
As you did before

So plant your feet in the ground
Stand firm
Make a decision
Stick with it
Repeat.



Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Life, Personified.

Sometimes, this shadowy figure: dark, mysterious, a little ominous,
hands you a box wrapped up so tight you could never quite figure out how to tackle its bindings.
That is, up until the moment someone somewhere says the right words, at the right moment, asking the right question, provoking the right answer.
A little something is revealed at that exact moment.
You shoot sky-high, to the zenith of your awareness in one crashing second.
You no longer have to try breaking that stupid box!
But, as with any other form of euphoria,
what goes up must come down.
After some time your revelation is meaningless -
It can no longer apply to the changes happening all around you.
This shadowy figure is relentless.
Another box is handed to you.
For now, it's frustration, puzzlement, effortful attempts
all. over. again.
Sigh, you can never have your fun.