I feel like an ISLAND.

2 Days Later...

And i have departed from the land of piano!

hellOOo neuro.

and physio.

sigh, it never ends

:(

WHOAH

this fear is INTENSE.

Hands Down

My hopes are so high

That your kiss might kill me

So won't you kill me

So I die happy

My heart is yours to fill or burst

To break or bury

Or wear as jewelery

Whichever you prefer

Daily dose of cliche: Every cloud has a silver lining.

It's only then that I know

Music is my LIFE.

Impromptu in B flat Major. 

Earth Song.

Delicate.

I GOTS THE CHILLLS.

such beauty.

God Put a Smile Upon Your Face

Amidst all the chaos and craze,

the cacophony of voices in your head,

brace yourself.

respond with tactfulness and grace.

hold your own.

Clown

How am i gonna juggle everything that needs to be done?

Woke up in a state of panic...

thinking: piano, assignment, physio, neuro.

Do i do a little bit of all at once?

Or do i focus on each one but may have no time left for some?

Need a place to study.

Gotta clean up this mess.

Or maybe i should find someplace else to go...

Oh my gosh.

The worry sets in :(

Daily dose of cliche: Time is running out.

Day 6

The fast is going surprisingly well.
meat? smells good, but it's okay. i'm fine thank you.
snacks? takes all the willpower in the world especially when i get the munchies after meals. terrible, terrible cases of the munchies.
but somehow even the snacks sitting there, waiting to tempt me, aren't that appealing.
except for those days.
where all i want to do is have a massive cone of ice-cream or an iced chocolate.
let me not be reminded that this is merely the 6th day -_-"

and speaking of which,
it's still really early on, but i'd made a few interesting discoveries along the way.

honestly, going into it, i never really knew the real reason for fasting.
i just knew i felt compelled to do it.
like there was something in me urging me to go through it; experience it.
but now, i do know why i'm doing it; what for and how much breaking it with the smallest sliver of almond, the tiniest piece of cake in the world is actually saying about myself.
the little things that speak volumes; they are absolutely significant.
never really had any expectations coming into the fast, so i guess in that way i am an empty canvas getting excited over every little splatter of paint. which is pretty cool.
so, yes, i'm looking forward to see what gems i'd collect over the next 34 days and counting.
optimism.
i hope it lasts.

No Big Surprise

that i actually feel really, really, really bad.

Sometimes

Sometimes it takes all the self-restraint in the world

to not tell u all the things i'm dying to say.

how much of a hypocrite u can be.

how much u are quick to anger.

how little tolerance u have when the things u say/do are said/done back to u.

But at the same time i feel silly.

no matter how undeserving it was,

no matter how upsetting it was,

for not wanting to speak to u.

and to try to show u i am upset.

And so i apologize.

Which is, once again, something i'd never say.

It's times like these i don't know whether i feel more stupid, angry, or guilty.

it seems the latter is my dominant trait.

and it sucks.

that no matter how angry i am,

i end up feeling responsible for it anyways.

Don't Look Down On Me

Some days, you've just got to trust me.

I will go above and beyond to do what needs to be done.

Daily dose of cliche: Don't judge a book by its cover.

Good call on my part.

In more ways than one.

Rude Awakenings

...At least, one of the many of them.

And the question I ask myself is since when and how I had begun to become so careless with the things people tell me.
It's always been a value I had always held dear -  that what people choose to confide in and to keep confidential is a privilege, and a right that I should respect.
When had they become careless words I tossed around without sensitivity towards that person?
When had they become such a breach of privacy?
When had they become my secrets to tell, to elicit, to bring up?

It seems to me that the older I get the more I'm supposed to value these little treasures; to value the intimacy of a relationship with a person in need of a confidant; to value the fact that this person holds you in the highest of regard to be able to entrust you with the things they hold close to their hearts.
These secrets should not be a "burden" I am to carry.
I am merely an ear; a mouth.
I am merely an empathy; a sympathy.

It is truly disappointing, really, that I had spun little webs of deceit.

It's time to revert to the way I have been; the way I should be.




Daily dose of cliche: Strike these feet of clay.