Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
O, how life should just stay fine and dandy! (READ AT OWN RISK)
I find that my walk with God is ever-changing; it's never constant, it never EVER sits still, it's always leading me somewhere else...mostly to a not very good place.
Just like anyone else, sometimes i find it hard.
sometimes it's just hard to believe in someone so widely believed, yet truly known so very little.
sometimes it's hard just to grasp the fact that he's here.
I feel like i'm floating, once again.
bobbing in the waves in the wide sea of the unknown.
i find that after a moment of epiphany; of conviction; of true faith, i will start to venture deeper and out of my comfort zone at the shallow end.
and here the trouble starts.
here, i will start to doubt and doubt and doubt and question till the point where i will have no good answer to bring me back to where i was.
and here, i start to believe that maybe there is a purpose in the bible after all :)
after years of believing that the bible is just...man-made writings to keep people "on track" often by things i don't agree with, mostly by instilling fear and judgment and guilt into our heads (yes, i notice it's not very "christian-like" of me, and i am being sarcastic here), there may be a valid reason for why it was written.
get over the fact that in the old testament god is this wrathful god who smites you if you do wrong, and in the new testament, he's forgiving and kind and loving, you will see how both gods are one and the same.
now i view the bible as a series of testimonies - like what we hear in church. people sharing their stories and experiences, be it those with god, or just their lives in general.
it brings about encouragement for those who are going through the same things; it tries to keep you in the walk of faith; it teaches you not to give up.
sure, the context seems entirely unrelated to you or what you're doing...but keep in mind these were written in a lifestyle completely different from ours. try to put what they're saying into perspective, put it in the context in which they were written, and maybe you'd be able to figure out the message.
not like i can do it myself.
anyways, just so you know, this is just what i think, lol. not that i'd started reading it a lot...but i'm starting.
this is just a change of view.
so that i might not think of the bible as this redundant, forceful, uninspiring book.
Anyways, so last night i was reminded of how i used to be as a child.
i remember that at the very tender age of 9/10 i'd started to question god.
i'd already started to plant seeds of doubt in me.
i started early :S
needless to say my relationship with god was not a very smooth-sailing one.
it didn't even really start till i came here. and even then it wasn't close to where it was now either. not that now is where i'd always imagined myself to be; but i do see growth and maturity in this relationship.
i don't feel like i regret being the way i was in the past.
i think that it doesn't really matter if i start early or late...
religion and faith and belief are choices i make.
everyday i choose to believe.
everyday i choose to talk to god.
everyday i choose to see him as the one who'd created the universe and his children. the one who sustains us and creates an interdependence between everything.
it doesn't matter that as a child i'd have bible verses hammered into my head and not understand a word of it.
it doesn't matter that as a child i'd have adults telling me that if i do something wrong, i'd go to hell. okay maybe it does cause that just made me so fearful of the almighty god who'd throw his children in the hellish pits of fire.
which now brings me to the fact that i do not believe in hell. my mind is on this 5-way fork road now and i'm sorry i can't stop. lol.
i seriously don't believe that our father would send his children to live in pain and suffering for all of eternity, in a desert, abandoned, dry, homeless and alone.
okay imagine this scenario:
someone's born with severe imperfections due to congenital disease and is very very very bitter about it. he starts to hate god, he questions god and soon he becomes violent. he inflicts physical and mental harm onto others and one day he kills someone. (he may or may not feel shitty [even more so than before] for the rest of his life because of that)
would he be wrong, even though there was a valid reason for him doing so?
if god were to judge him, wouldn't he consider why he'd done what he'd done?
sure, he could have lived his life differently; in acceptance, happiness and grace. god would know it wouldn't be easy. god would know that it's circumstances that lead us to do what we do. circumstances, and also choices (yes i talk about choice a lot -_-")
so anyways, would god really condemn this man to live in hell for eternity?
his child had already gone through so much hell in his life that'd cause him to commit one mistake out of frustration. would he let him go through more hell, now literally so, in his afterlife?
would god let ANYONE through hell after death? be it those born perfect or imperfect.
i don't know. but i'm leaning towards NO.
i mean, sure, god will punish you, like any good father would. yes, good fathers do that okay. if not we'd end up spoilt little brats.
anyways, so what if god only brings upon punishment on us in our life on earth (i.e. in this case via the justice system)....wouldn't that spare us from his eternal wrath? frankly i don't think a father can be so angry with his kid that he'd punish him for as long as he lives. surely there will come a point where he forgives you and decides to move on...no matter how wrong you were.
this very long-winded thought just boils down to the fact that i do not believe in hell.
i believe in an afterlife; a life of eternity in a world god had first created it to be. in a world where everyone fulfills their purpose and live not in fear and blame and guilt, but in love and kindness and harmony. sounds very hippie, doesn't it? :S maybe the hippies had it right!
in the end, after all that filtration and refinement, what you believe is what remains from that process. the sediments of your faith is often what you choose it to be. whatever you choose to believe. doesn't necessarily have to be right (not that anyone has "the right answer"), but if it helps build that relationship, then i guess whatever works for you will work. in this slippery, often intangible subject of religion, almost everything is subjective and up to you to interpret. i'd sure love it if there was a book to tell us what to do and...oh wait, that's the bible. :S hrrrmmmms okay. i shall leave that for another day! :):)
toodledumtoodledees.
Just like anyone else, sometimes i find it hard.
sometimes it's just hard to believe in someone so widely believed, yet truly known so very little.
sometimes it's hard just to grasp the fact that he's here.
I feel like i'm floating, once again.
bobbing in the waves in the wide sea of the unknown.
i find that after a moment of epiphany; of conviction; of true faith, i will start to venture deeper and out of my comfort zone at the shallow end.
and here the trouble starts.
here, i will start to doubt and doubt and doubt and question till the point where i will have no good answer to bring me back to where i was.
and here, i start to believe that maybe there is a purpose in the bible after all :)
after years of believing that the bible is just...man-made writings to keep people "on track" often by things i don't agree with, mostly by instilling fear and judgment and guilt into our heads (yes, i notice it's not very "christian-like" of me, and i am being sarcastic here), there may be a valid reason for why it was written.
get over the fact that in the old testament god is this wrathful god who smites you if you do wrong, and in the new testament, he's forgiving and kind and loving, you will see how both gods are one and the same.
now i view the bible as a series of testimonies - like what we hear in church. people sharing their stories and experiences, be it those with god, or just their lives in general.
it brings about encouragement for those who are going through the same things; it tries to keep you in the walk of faith; it teaches you not to give up.
sure, the context seems entirely unrelated to you or what you're doing...but keep in mind these were written in a lifestyle completely different from ours. try to put what they're saying into perspective, put it in the context in which they were written, and maybe you'd be able to figure out the message.
not like i can do it myself.
anyways, just so you know, this is just what i think, lol. not that i'd started reading it a lot...but i'm starting.
this is just a change of view.
so that i might not think of the bible as this redundant, forceful, uninspiring book.
Anyways, so last night i was reminded of how i used to be as a child.
i remember that at the very tender age of 9/10 i'd started to question god.
i'd already started to plant seeds of doubt in me.
i started early :S
needless to say my relationship with god was not a very smooth-sailing one.
it didn't even really start till i came here. and even then it wasn't close to where it was now either. not that now is where i'd always imagined myself to be; but i do see growth and maturity in this relationship.
i don't feel like i regret being the way i was in the past.
i think that it doesn't really matter if i start early or late...
religion and faith and belief are choices i make.
everyday i choose to believe.
everyday i choose to talk to god.
everyday i choose to see him as the one who'd created the universe and his children. the one who sustains us and creates an interdependence between everything.
it doesn't matter that as a child i'd have bible verses hammered into my head and not understand a word of it.
it doesn't matter that as a child i'd have adults telling me that if i do something wrong, i'd go to hell. okay maybe it does cause that just made me so fearful of the almighty god who'd throw his children in the hellish pits of fire.
which now brings me to the fact that i do not believe in hell. my mind is on this 5-way fork road now and i'm sorry i can't stop. lol.
i seriously don't believe that our father would send his children to live in pain and suffering for all of eternity, in a desert, abandoned, dry, homeless and alone.
okay imagine this scenario:
someone's born with severe imperfections due to congenital disease and is very very very bitter about it. he starts to hate god, he questions god and soon he becomes violent. he inflicts physical and mental harm onto others and one day he kills someone. (he may or may not feel shitty [even more so than before] for the rest of his life because of that)
would he be wrong, even though there was a valid reason for him doing so?
if god were to judge him, wouldn't he consider why he'd done what he'd done?
sure, he could have lived his life differently; in acceptance, happiness and grace. god would know it wouldn't be easy. god would know that it's circumstances that lead us to do what we do. circumstances, and also choices (yes i talk about choice a lot -_-")
so anyways, would god really condemn this man to live in hell for eternity?
his child had already gone through so much hell in his life that'd cause him to commit one mistake out of frustration. would he let him go through more hell, now literally so, in his afterlife?
would god let ANYONE through hell after death? be it those born perfect or imperfect.
i don't know. but i'm leaning towards NO.
i mean, sure, god will punish you, like any good father would. yes, good fathers do that okay. if not we'd end up spoilt little brats.
anyways, so what if god only brings upon punishment on us in our life on earth (i.e. in this case via the justice system)....wouldn't that spare us from his eternal wrath? frankly i don't think a father can be so angry with his kid that he'd punish him for as long as he lives. surely there will come a point where he forgives you and decides to move on...no matter how wrong you were.
this very long-winded thought just boils down to the fact that i do not believe in hell.
i believe in an afterlife; a life of eternity in a world god had first created it to be. in a world where everyone fulfills their purpose and live not in fear and blame and guilt, but in love and kindness and harmony. sounds very hippie, doesn't it? :S maybe the hippies had it right!
in the end, after all that filtration and refinement, what you believe is what remains from that process. the sediments of your faith is often what you choose it to be. whatever you choose to believe. doesn't necessarily have to be right (not that anyone has "the right answer"), but if it helps build that relationship, then i guess whatever works for you will work. in this slippery, often intangible subject of religion, almost everything is subjective and up to you to interpret. i'd sure love it if there was a book to tell us what to do and...oh wait, that's the bible. :S hrrrmmmms okay. i shall leave that for another day! :):)
toodledumtoodledees.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
CRY!!!!
OH MA GAWWDDD
most beautiful thing i've heard in a loooong time. (don't judge the ahma-esque lady by her appearance ok she's brilliant lol!)
new fav: lizst. he never seems to fail me.
maybe, just maaaaaybe i will *semi* learn it.
after the exams :D
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
ZOMGGGGGG
Anyone had those moments where they open up and read their diaries from way back when and cringe SO BAD ur pangsai just flows out?
Cause i just did.
LOL!
oh my goshhhh i am SO glad i'm not the person i was back in '07 and beyond anymore. at least the ones i'd written one year ago were pretty okay. lol. buttttt despite the cringe fest it was kinda cool to track how much you've changed - i.e. the way you think and feel and the things you feel are important enough to report to yourself (this sounds kinda retarded. it's like i ain't got no friends).
Sooooo i think it's time i started a new one :)
Oh, i already did. haha. maybe 20 years from now i will look back and cringe. again.
Don't let me down, future me!!!!
Cause i just did.
LOL!
oh my goshhhh i am SO glad i'm not the person i was back in '07 and beyond anymore. at least the ones i'd written one year ago were pretty okay. lol. buttttt despite the cringe fest it was kinda cool to track how much you've changed - i.e. the way you think and feel and the things you feel are important enough to report to yourself (this sounds kinda retarded. it's like i ain't got no friends).
Sooooo i think it's time i started a new one :)
Oh, i already did. haha. maybe 20 years from now i will look back and cringe. again.
Don't let me down, future me!!!!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
It's ABOUT Time...
THAT I PUT MY
GAME
FACE
ON!!!
but i can't. :(
and i won't.
i'm purposely sabotaging my game face plan by sitting in front of the massive comp screen,
procrastinating in the form of DINER DASH.
bloody level 28 is left unconquered.
and should be left so until the holidays!!!
dontcha think?
that's what i SHOULD think.
but i can't help it.
i must sabotage myself.
LOL.
sometimes...i just wish...
i was as paranoid and kiasu as everybody else! :p
sometimes...i just wish...
i was as paranoid and kiasu as everybody else! :p
Sunday, March 7, 2010
TUMBLING MADNESSsss
Probably not the best time to start something as POINTLESS and *WU LIAO* as this, but...
smiles :)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
FINALLY AN UPDATE!
y'all have NO IDEA how many sticks of patience i had run through just trying to get blogger to bloody let me post! grrrhs.
but anyhoooos, loads to update on yay (all about my whole 3-ish [though it seriously wasn't enough can u bliv it] months of holiday) nyehehehe.
i shall start with the ladies' trip to TAIWAN (joined for a while by the lone ranger) with the mother and biggest (not literally na, don't be offended :p) sister.
SO, during the trip, i became an old lady...
a soldier...
*wah he damn pro can stand in the hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot sun without shrinking into a prune!!*
and ate HELLLLLLLLL lot of food.
i think this was like. some taiwan-food-scavenging trip or smt :)
but it was damn fun. LOOOVING the streets lined with hawker food!
extremely yummilicious sweet potato chips!!
loooooves
mum shyiok eating dessert
sister shyiok
ooh, mother shyiok part II
i shyiok
we both shyiok
everybody shyiok :D
but it's not over.
lined up just cause we saw hell lot of ppl lining up.
and ended up buying this thing directly translated as big intestine wrapped in small intestine.
but don't worry. it's sausage within a sausage :)
anyways, got so caught up in the eating that i tried to feed a ghost some doughnut.
didn't work tho.
she has SKILL!! i mean, who in the world can resist mr.donut doughnuts?! love them to bits :D
there was a lot more food involved, but i shall skip straight to the other important bits, e.g.
that we saw the 101 (and went inside to buy absolutely nothing)
that we went to the cultural village and had loads of eye candy along the way
oops, another one one eating...
...ate duck TONGUE,
which the lone ranger and the mother thoroughly enjoyed!
found a piece of chicken bigger than my FACE
discovered the lady 007
and finally stumbled upon hello kitty heaven
...at the airport.
complete with hello kitty world map and hello kitty phone booth.
gila.
so yes, there were a lot lot lot lot more but wayyy too much to put in. ABSOLUTELY LOVE taiwan. the ppl are so friggin polite and friendly its a little bit absurd! but can't say ALL lah. there would be the odd one or two who aren't so nice like the rest (and i speculate that they are from the cheena side of things)
oh, and one more thing: we saw MAGIC POWER and DORAEMON *so if they ever become famous i can say i saw them hohoho*
rest of the holiday? went to mulu. saw loads of caves, walked quite a bit till my calves could explode.
had this...5C thing whichhhh was sad because many many many ppl were missing lols
this is not all of us okay. not so sad la lol
aww we look so young :)
forever young bah nyehehehe
feel free to experience that stab of jealousy now!
besides that, and piano, it was asking my tummy almost every hour of the day "what do you feel like eating now?"
...and then go eat something else.
so yeah.
END POST.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sighs, sometimes things just do not go as planned.
:(
but, being my optimistic and EXTREMELY hopeful self (which kinda sucks sometimes cause it intensifies the disappointment and cacatness of something gone wrong)...
i will hope and hope and hope that i will end up at the same destination.
just via another, albeit lengthy and mahuan (-_-"), route.
yeah but i was just disappointed for a whole bloody day...and it made me reconsider doing it.
i have now (a few days later) decided to just GO FOR IT. but i don't know how. lol.
so, i guess, we shall wait and seeeeeee.
:(
but, being my optimistic and EXTREMELY hopeful self (which kinda sucks sometimes cause it intensifies the disappointment and cacatness of something gone wrong)...
i will hope and hope and hope that i will end up at the same destination.
just via another, albeit lengthy and mahuan (-_-"), route.
yeah but i was just disappointed for a whole bloody day...and it made me reconsider doing it.
i have now (a few days later) decided to just GO FOR IT. but i don't know how. lol.
so, i guess, we shall wait and seeeeeee.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Signs of Aging :(
O WAIL my achy-breaky....heart?
NOT.
...my achy-breaky BONES!!!
my bones are cracking and protesting (very very loudly, mind you) every time i move!!! seeeeriously it is so terrible i cannot put into words the extent of it. :( and i'm so young boo hoo.
what to do, oh what to do.
this is slightly depressing, seeing as how i'm most probably gonna be one of the first first first first people in my age range to get arthritis or smt choichoichoi!!
i should start doing stretches every morning/night like my good old daddy does. WHOAH my dad is 1000000 gabillion times more flexible than me. which kinda kills it even more for me. sighs.
ON ANOTHER NOTE,
i can't believe inglorious basterds did not win best motion picture!!!!! i mean, like SERIOUSLY. avatar is gooood and all, but heck. ain't as good and entertaining as inglorious basterdsssss. potong steam :(
oh, ON ANOTHER ANOTHER NOTE, :) :) :)
ok there isn't another note. the note is the same.
but just a random...i dno, fact or something.
that my piano teacher's house is officially kampung saya nombor dua. it's INSANE how many times i pop over to her place for things exam-related and not even have actual piano lessons. but, thank god, it's all over tomorrow morning. enrollment is OFFICIAL as of 8.00 am whew. aaaand i'd been advised to keep my phone switched on and super-glued to my side the second i wake up cause my teacher's paranoid and a little OCD lol!! but god bless her heart she is the awesomest piano teacher in the world :)
hrm. enough weirdness. gotta go lim 7-layer (zomg) teh now heh heh hehhh.
NOT.
...my achy-breaky BONES!!!
my bones are cracking and protesting (very very loudly, mind you) every time i move!!! seeeeriously it is so terrible i cannot put into words the extent of it. :( and i'm so young boo hoo.
what to do, oh what to do.
this is slightly depressing, seeing as how i'm most probably gonna be one of the first first first first people in my age range to get arthritis or smt choichoichoi!!
i should start doing stretches every morning/night like my good old daddy does. WHOAH my dad is 1000000 gabillion times more flexible than me. which kinda kills it even more for me. sighs.
ON ANOTHER NOTE,
i can't believe inglorious basterds did not win best motion picture!!!!! i mean, like SERIOUSLY. avatar is gooood and all, but heck. ain't as good and entertaining as inglorious basterdsssss. potong steam :(
oh, ON ANOTHER ANOTHER NOTE, :) :) :)
ok there isn't another note. the note is the same.
but just a random...i dno, fact or something.
that my piano teacher's house is officially kampung saya nombor dua. it's INSANE how many times i pop over to her place for things exam-related and not even have actual piano lessons. but, thank god, it's all over tomorrow morning. enrollment is OFFICIAL as of 8.00 am whew. aaaand i'd been advised to keep my phone switched on and super-glued to my side the second i wake up cause my teacher's paranoid and a little OCD lol!! but god bless her heart she is the awesomest piano teacher in the world :)
hrm. enough weirdness. gotta go lim 7-layer (zomg) teh now heh heh hehhh.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
O DIVINE POWER!
yes, i need help.
i need LOADS of help.
charging ahead despite:
1. my lack of discipline...which contributes to (ok it probably is the sole cause of : )
2. my lack of confidence in my studies and whatever else i'm doing...which happens to be the piano exam i feel i have an extreeeemely high probability of failing.
but surprisingly, people do not seem to think so. surprising, because i seriously am no good :S
hence, O DIVINE POWER. make it so that i create and integrate and FULFILL the very belated new year's resolution that is to use my time wisely. -_-"
i think i'm doing the right thing, at least. there's no other time like the present, they say. i don't think i'd ever get around to completing this 2-year goal if i don't take the initiative to enrol. hrrrmmm.
so, right now, i'm doing research for my programme notes. and wowww reading all these stuff about the pieces really kinda brings them composers to life! i mean, it's easy to play the songs and feel what u feel, often forgetting that there was a living human being behind these songs...and how real events led to their amazing creations! somehow (cause usually i think it gila cheesy) i find the fact that beethoven wrote his "moonlight sonata" for his, i dno, love of his life is so frikkin sweet. so romantic-ky. that his love is printed on a page everywhere in the world!! plus the song is so beautiful. :):):):)
life as of now is piano-filled and not much else besides bumming and hanging out :p
and worrying if i can pull it all of nxt yr.
thomas the choo choo train shall be my inspiration. :D
p/s being bitten to death by bloody mosquitoes!
will turn into blotchy bulbous human if they don't just drop off and die!!!
p/p/s stupid sausages bit holes into my favourite dress. -_-"
i need LOADS of help.
charging ahead despite:
1. my lack of discipline...which contributes to (ok it probably is the sole cause of : )
2. my lack of confidence in my studies and whatever else i'm doing...which happens to be the piano exam i feel i have an extreeeemely high probability of failing.
but surprisingly, people do not seem to think so. surprising, because i seriously am no good :S
hence, O DIVINE POWER. make it so that i create and integrate and FULFILL the very belated new year's resolution that is to use my time wisely. -_-"
i think i'm doing the right thing, at least. there's no other time like the present, they say. i don't think i'd ever get around to completing this 2-year goal if i don't take the initiative to enrol. hrrrmmm.
so, right now, i'm doing research for my programme notes. and wowww reading all these stuff about the pieces really kinda brings them composers to life! i mean, it's easy to play the songs and feel what u feel, often forgetting that there was a living human being behind these songs...and how real events led to their amazing creations! somehow (cause usually i think it gila cheesy) i find the fact that beethoven wrote his "moonlight sonata" for his, i dno, love of his life is so frikkin sweet. so romantic-ky. that his love is printed on a page everywhere in the world!! plus the song is so beautiful. :):):):)
life as of now is piano-filled and not much else besides bumming and hanging out :p
and worrying if i can pull it all of nxt yr.
thomas the choo choo train shall be my inspiration. :D
p/s being bitten to death by bloody mosquitoes!
will turn into blotchy bulbous human if they don't just drop off and die!!!
p/p/s stupid sausages bit holes into my favourite dress. -_-"
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